Many people don’t know the value of self-pride and don’t realize its importance in immunizing themselves from sin. They also don’t realize its importance in their keenness to succeed in this life, and in gaining Allah’s satisfaction in the Hereafter.
The Islamic speaker, Amr Khaled confirms that self-pride is an instinct that Allah planted within us to protect us from wrongdoing, and to distance us from committing the major sins (kaba’ir). It’s because whoever is proud of himself, loves to conceal his faults and hates to fall into disgrace and humiliation. Also, whoever values himself, hates losing, and is keen to achieve success in order to hold his head up all the time.
He inquires, “Why did Allah honor man, and order the angels to prostrate to him, while he (man) disgraces himself, and lives in humiliation and fear of the discovery of his sins?”
How to love yourself
I asked Amr Khaled, “Can a person love himself without being selfish?”
There is an alternative meaning for self-love, that a person values and dignifies himself. When Allah Almighty created man, he established within him three instincts: to feed himself, to procreate to continue the species, and to have self-dignity or self-appreciation. Each of us is proud of his name and achievements, which he uses to show off in front of his children. Each of us tries to run away from his faults and failures.
Because of this instinct, each of us loves to conceal his faults, and hates to fall into a scandal that exposes and humiliates him. We all hate backbiting and bad-mouthing because it hurts our own selves. Why do we all love success and hate failure? Because, inside us, there is the instinct of self-dignity and self-pride.
Are there any recorded scientific studies that prove how a person is attached to himself?
Yes, there was a survey in Europe about which word is used most over the phone. They monitored one thousand phone lines for this survey to find out the most-used word. They found out it’s the word “I”. It does not make sense that all the speakers were selfish. They had a desire (instinct) that they wanted to satisfy, which is self-appreciation and self-respect.
The secret behind success and straight-forwardness
Why did Allah Almighty establish this instinct in man?
Allah Almighty established the instinct of self-pride in humans because He loves them. As long as this instinct is there, wickedness in the land will be minimized. Every person works on respecting himself; he wants to dignify himself, and is afraid of scandal. Thus, he avoids wrongdoing and sin. A man always wants to be respected and dignified in front of his children. Therefore, he avoids making mistakes, so that they won’t see his flaws.
He avoids making mistakes in his workplace in fear of not being respected by his colleagues and subordinates. If this instinct were not there, how easy it would be for a person to say, “So what if I went to jail?” “Who cares if I was scandalized?” Then, wickedness and immorality would spread all over. The society would be lost.
This instinct drives us toward concealing our mistakes, thus protecting the society from wickedness.
Realizing this instinct is a quality of the West; they realize this instinct more than we do. Your identity or reputation is very precious and honored. If you know its value, you would never humiliate it.
The humiliation of sin
Why does a person fall into sin in spite of the presence of this instinct?
Psychologists’ analyses show that this happens once the value of a person’s “self” drops in his eyes. This means that when his self becomes valueless in his eyes, he disobeys Allah and commits major sins.
Why do we call them the Major Sins (kaba’ir)?
Major Sins are the main source of humiliation of the human soul. They are the main deeds that anger Allah. Major Sins are the main deeds that expose you in front of yourself. Allah wants you to be dignified and precious.
The Major Sins are major because they are the most humiliating deeds you can commit. If you see a drunken person vomiting and urinating in the street… People look to him in disgust and abhorrence.
If you see an adulterer…Look how he humiliates himself! The major sins are major because they cause the most self-humiliation.
A young man who lies and steals from his father’s money… How does he feel while sitting with his family? Won’t he secretly feel humiliated, even if his father doesn’t know what he has done? Be careful, young man; don’t humiliate yourself! I direct these words especially for teenagers, who find it easy to humiliate themselves.
The cost of dishonesty
Can you give us some examples of youth who have humiliated themselves?
Drug addicts who have extremely humiliated themselves… They have completely lost their self-esteem.
Also, Westerners in Europe on Saturdays while they walk drunk in the streets…
We see ads posted on walls saying, “Be a man! Try beer!” To them, manhood has become all about humiliating themselves. The same goes for a man who cheats on his wife. When he does that, he exaggerates in pleasing his wife. He humiliates himself to cover up his mistakes or sins.
I know a man who wanted to commit all types of sins with women. He was married. He left the door wide-open for his wife (let’s her do whatever she wants) so that she lets him do whatever he wants. One day, he was shocked to find out that she was having an affair with another man. He cried out of self-humiliation. You humiliated yourself, so your wife humiliated you. He went to her family to scandalize her. They ended up in divorce.
A young man drives his car, sweet-talking women and girls in the street. When the ladies insult him back, he laughs. This laugh is a feeling of humiliation that he hides behind his weak laughter.
Why do you humiliate your precious self?
I know a young man who used to flirt with girls in the street. If one of them insulted him, he drives away in his car, then shows off by hitting the brakes, then speeding up again. One time, the brother of one of the girls caught him. He cried in humiliation in front of him saying, “Forgive me! I will never do this again.” I’m narrating these stories so that the youth don’t humiliate themselves like Raman, after Allah has dignified them.
A liar is a disgraced person. His disgrace becomes apparent when his lies are exposed. A girl who backbites her friend over the phone will be disgraced when her friend confronts her with her action.
The self is very valuable; never humiliate it. A lawyer who cheated on his partner and took his money will become disgraced when his action is uncovered.
I know a storeowner who had an assistant working for him. This worker started stealing from him. The storeowner sensed it. He asked one of his friends to go to the store while he was not there and buy lots of stuff. Then, he would come back in the evening while he was there to return the stuff and refund his money. His friend did this. The storeowner found out that the worker had really stolen from him. He didn’t record what the friend bought. When the friend came back in the evening with the merchandise for refund, the worker collapsed on the floor in disgrace.
A young man is disgraced when he doesn’t guard his gaze and goes to the mall to follow the girls. On the other hand, the one who guards his gaze has dignity.
A woman who goes out in the street with tight and exposed clothing will hear offensive and shameful words from the youth in the street. She is the one who disgraced herself. Don’t humiliate yourself with tight or skimpy clothes.
After committing a sin, a sinner tries to go to sleep quickly to run away from the feeling of humiliation he feels after committing the sin.
The fear from scandal
Sometimes, Allah doesn’t expose you while committing a sin, but you will feel guilt because you know that you committed a sin. Every time the person affected by your sin looks at you, you think that he found out what you did. You cheated him; and a cheater is a coward and disgraceful person.
A girl who tries to call a young man at 2 A.M. behind her parents’ backs will feel disgraced and afraid of her family finding out. She will run in fear and fright when her father finds out what she does at night.
The one who lied to his father and told him that he passed his exams when he actually failed… how disgraceful he will look in front of his father and his family when the truth is uncovered! He will become as small as an ant when everybody discovers his lie.
I say to the teenagers, “Be proud of yourself, and don’t think that you are still a child. You are a man and you are dignified.”
And I say to the Muslims, enough with the humiliation of the Muslim community (Ummah)! What we said previously about individuals, can be said about nations; nations that willingly humiliate themselves, and continue to live in humiliation. We, the nation of Muhammad (peace be upon him) are a dignified nation. What happened to us? How did we become so worthless to ourselves?
Why don’t we feel the love of honor and dignity, while we are the nation of Muhammad (pbuh)?
Do not taint your purity
When Allah conceals the mistakes of a person, does he go to excess in committing that sin?
Allah Almighty says, about the hypocrites, what can be translated as, “…They think that every cry is against them…” (TMQ, 63:4)[1]. Had they known to what extent Allah dignifies them, they would have never done that.
Look closely into this noble Surah that can be translated as, “By the fig, and the olive. By Mount Sinai. By this city of security (Makkah). Verily, We created man in the best stature (model). Then We reduced him to the lowest of the low. Save those who believe (in Islâmic Monotheism) and do righteous deeds…”( TMQ, 95:1-6) Allah Almighty swears by several things, “By the fig, and the olive” in Palestine, “by Mount Sinai” where Allah spoke to Moses (peace be upon him); and “this city of security” (Makkah). These are the purest places on Earth. Allah Almighty swears by them that we are as pure as them, because we were created “in the best stature (model)” (TMQ, 95:4). If man humiliates himself, Allah says in the Qur’an what can be translated as, “then We reduced him to the lowest of the low…except those who believe and do righteous deeds” (TMQ, 95:5). Allah Almighty created us from dust and water, not rubber or iron, because those elements are the purest ones in the world.
You, son of Adam, are very pure; so don’t taint your purity with sins.
Allah Almighty not only created Adam from the purest of elements, but also created you with both His noble hands, and blew into him from His spirit! “So, when I have fashioned him completely and breathed into him (Adam) the soul which I created for him, then fall (you) down prostrating yourselves unto him.” (TMQ, 15:29)
After the angels prostrated to you, why do you humiliate yourself? Allah has prepared Jannah (Paradise) for you and He made repentance a way to return your dignity to you if you humiliate yourself… Glory be to Allah!
